Rukiaism
by Adam Epp
Summary: People! Have you heard of the one true Goddess? She is short, has black hair, likes rabbits, and is, well,  the embodiment of perfection! Listen to her gospel and join the religion devoted to Rukia Kuchiki.


**Author's ****Note: **Written for the IchiRuki Festival for Ichigo's Birthday at Bleach Asylum. Title inspired from the _Melancholy __of __Suzumiya __Haruhi, _though the story has nothing to do with it.

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Bleach.

---

_A Goddess Among Us_

_Fellow students, there is a divine being present among us! You probably know her as Rukia Kuchiki, but this is not her true identity! As if someone so beautiful, so gentle, so kind, and so sacrificing could be considered a mere mortal! Ha! At times her aura of divinity may slip, but this is just an act to conceal the fact that she is a _Goddess_! Do you doubt me? Just look at the way the wind caresses her hair, the way each individual lock is worthy of a painting, how even the earth itself is clearly in awe of her exquisite existence._

_So, whenever you are scared, whenever the supernatural seems to be nearby, whenever humanity gets you down, do not worry: there is a Goddess among us. And her name is..._

Rukia

_Who...who wrote this?!_ Rukia thought in fury. _Keigo?! No, he's too dumb to write like this. Mizuiro? No, not subtle enough. Chizuru? Can't be; she hits on Orihime, not me. Chad? Ishida? Nah, those guys are clearly just friends. Renji? That's impossible, since he returned to Soul Society about a month ago ...Ichigo?...No, can't be him, either. He wouldn't jeopardize my_ Shinigami _identity like this._ Her internal list of possible culprits exhausted, Rukia punched the wall in frustration.

In the meantime, she decided to tear down the incriminated words and rip the poster to shreds. Afterwards, she welcomed the sense of gratification from the destruction, and was glad that no one else had the chance to read it. Smug, Rukia walked over to her desk, plopped herself down on her chair, and waited for the rest of the class to file in.

Something strange happened as her academic colleagues strolled in, though. They kept on whispering to each other and pointed at _Rukia_, for whatever reason.

It irritated her. Considerably.

Rukia tried to maintain her image of the perfect student, but each new person who pretended not to be gawking at her just made her more furious. Furthermore, her fake smile just added to the murmured gossiping. After the umpteenth student pointed a finger at her, Rukia lost control and snapped.

"What's with all of you?!" she bellowed, "Why do you all keep pointing at me and whispering to yourselves?!"

Abruptly, all the whispering stopped. Moments later, a brave soul responded to the fury of the Goddess.

"Uh, well, you see...Kuchiki, uh, t-there's a bunch of, uh...p-posters in the hallway," stammered some guy Rukia didn't know, "and, uh, they say you're a G-Goddess..."

Having heard enough, Rukia dashed out of the classroom. Yet, in the hallway she came crashing to a stop as she bumping into someone.

Ichigo. Frowning, as usual.

"Watch we're you're going!" he barked at her, though he did help her get back on her feet.

"Sorry, Ichigo," Rukia replied, not sounding the least bit apologetic, "but I'm kind of outraged right now."

"Why?" enquired Ichigo, his face somehow managing to show a hint of concern despite the frown.

Rukia looked around her. That guy Rukia hadn't recognized was right; there were countless posters identical to the one she had destroyed earlier placed randomly throughout the hallway.

"These...posters!" she gestured at the numerous _Rukiaism_ propaganda adoring the walls, "they're driving me crazy!"

"It's just a bunch of gibberish," reassured Ichigo, "don't let it bother you."

"Really, Ichigo?" asked Rukia, "You don't think I'm a Goddess, or beautiful, or kind, or..."

"Nope."

"Thanks...err, hey!" squawked Rukia after realizing what Ichigo had denied.

"You two!" a voice from the classroom bellowed out, interrupting their conversation. "Stop slacking and get back to class!"

---

"Thus, my plan is to hide out in the hallway and find out who's putting up these posters."

"Right. And why do you want to find out who's behind this, again?"

"So I can kick his ass!" explained Rukia, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Ichigo sighed. The display of disinterest in Rukia's scheming did not go unnoticed.

_He must think I'm overreacting to this! How dare he! I'd like to see how he'd react to someone practically writing him a love letter like that!_ Just thinking about it made Rukia's cheeks burn. _Maybe if it was from someone I knew, and private...But! A stranger?!_

Rukia realized that Ichigo was eyeing her strangely and she berated herself. _Must focus on the task at hand: finding out who this creep is and kicking his ass!_

After a day the rest of the class would remember as having some of the worst lessons ever, due to Rukia's intense, suspicious, livid gaze burning holes into everyone, Rukia dragged Ichigo out of the classroom and stuffed him into the broom closet. Now, the two waited for the culprit to reveal himself.

"Do you actually believe this is going to work?" Ichigo voiced his misgivings, "we've been in here for about twenty minutes. No one's actually going to show up!"

"Someone will show up," scolded Rukia, "just be more patient!"

"The person who made those posters is better than this," began Ichigo, "I mean, when y-"

"Quiet!" hushed Rukia, "somebody's coming!"

The sound of footsteps reverberating in the hallway could only mean Rukia was right. Ichigo and Rukia pressed their ears against the door. Just as the footsteps were right by the broom closet, they stopped. Then, a new noise emerged. Indeed, the new clamouring was the unique made by someone placing paper against a wall...

Rukia's eyes lit up like a hunter's does when he knows his target is close by as she kicked the door open. The ruined state of the door after the kick was a cruel indicator of what was coming for the person in the hallway.

"Aha!" her war cry made anyone in the near vicinity tremble, "it's you!"

Shaking in fear, Keigo stared at the Death Goddess before him like a deer caught in the headlights. From his hands, a familiar poster fell.

"W-wait, Rukia," Keigo tried vainly, "don't do anything rash..."

---

"Did you really have to do that to his..?"

"Yes, Ichigo. Yes."

Silence.

"Well, Chad asked me to help him move into his apartment, so I'm going to meet up with him. Later."

"Bye."

The two parted.

Ichigo walked in a different hallway for about half-a-minute, then suddenly turned back.

_That __was __a __close __one..._Ichigo thought to himself, heaving a large sigh of relief. _Really, __good __thing __that __Keigo __is __such __a __moron._

Abruptly, Ichigo stopped as he reached his true destination: his homeroom classroom. Inside were most of the males from his class and then some, as well as a few females. All conversation between them ceased as Ichigo stepped in and made his way to a podium. He looked at everyone else before clearing his throat and making his speech.

"Fellow members of Rukiaism! Welcome to the latest sermon!" greeted Ichigo, "Today we had a close call as our Goddess almost discovered the identity of the man behind our pamphlets. Luckily, one of our own, Keigo Asano, sacrificed himself to save our cause. Let us have a moment of silence to pray for his poor soul."

_Yes, my dear Rukia, you almost found out that I made those posters. I can't believe you actually believed_ Keigo _did, of all people! As if his passion, his love for you even begins to compares with mine! Same goes for all these people!_ Ichigo glared at all of them, though no one was bothered by this since he frowned all the time.

---

_It's __strange..._Rukia mused as she walked home. _Keigo __should __have __confessed that he made those posters __after __I __stomped __on __his __kneecap. _She gasped. _Could __it __be..?__Could __it __be __that __I __got __the __wrong __man?! __Too __bad __I __can't __question __Keigo; __I __think __he's __always __going __to __run __away __from __me __once __he's __released __from __the __hospital..._

The realization that some strange man might still be out there made her anxious. Suddenly, everyone she walked by assumed a frightening visage. Just when she was about to be consumed by this new darkness emanating from the straners, a hand of light placed itself on her shoulder.

Ichigo. Frowning, as usual.

"Yo."

_Yes, _Rukia thought to herself, _I don't need to worry about some freak making weird posters about me and trying to start some strange cult. Because I have Ichigo around me..._

---

The End

---

Ichigo sure is creepy at the end. I tried to make him act a bit like Lezard Valeth from _Valkyrie __Profile_. Sure, it's out of character, but whatever.


End file.
